War: What is it Good For?

In light of the recent news on bullying in schools, and the fact that we've been reading The Outsiders  in class and have just read about the big rumble, I thought it might be a good time to blog about fighting.

In the book, Ponyboy talks about why people fight. Sodapop fought for fun, Darry for pride, Two-Bit for conformity, and Steve for hatred. Ponyboy himself said he couldn't think of any good reason for fighting, except maybe self defense. While all of these reasons seem legitimate, what's the point? Does beating someone to a pulp really prove that you're better than they are, or that if you pound on someone, you'll fit in with the rest of us?  To me, it just doesn't make any sense.

How can it be fun to fight someone? I don't see how a person could enjoy hurting someone else physically. Maybe the fun is in the competition, to see if you're better than the other. I sometimes wonder though, what pleasure do bullies get from hurting other people?

Pride and honor were the number one reason my students said they fight for. They feel that the only reason to fight someone is to prove you're better than they are. I think the sport of boxing falls into this category. Boxers fight to become the champion, the ruler of all those who dare to challenge. At least in boxing, the fighters are of equal weight, and they wear gloves. I never understood how a bully could ever be proud of beating  up someone half their size.

Conformity. This one just doesn't make sense. Why would anyone get into a fight just to be like everyone else? So often we see in the news that a student was bullied by a group of other students. Most of the students know that bullying in wrong, but they are led by a "ringleader" with the hopes of being accepted.  One student in class labeled this as students being "sheeple".  I couldn't agree more. When the need to feel accepted by others outweighs common sense, there is a problem.

What if you just hate someone so much that your rage takes over, and you just have to let it out? Is that a good reason to fight? Too often these days, I hear students say they "hate" someone. What is it that fills young people with such strong emotion? What can we do to help alleviate some of that emotion to help young people control thier urges to hurt one another? These are questions that I wish I could find the answers for.

So this leads us to self defense. When someone hits you, you should hit back. It has been my experience that this only escalates the problem, and bigger problems ensue. I've been very lucky. In my life, I've only been in one fight, and I was the victim. I didn't fight back. I got hit 4 times, fell to the floor, and I started crying. The person who beat me up, of course, bragged all over school about what a whimp I was. The fact remained, I was still in school, he was suspended for 2 days. Who won?

In the end, the question remains, why fight at all? There are so many other ways to resolve conflicts...a good chess match, a debate, mediation, avoidance, counseling, or even sitting down and just talking to the person you have a conflict with. To me, there's no point to fighting, it never proves anything, and many times, all it does is make things worse.

What's your opinion?